Mel Robbins: Saying These 2 Words Could Fix Your Anxiety! (Brand New Trick)

This segment uses the metaphor of a road trip to illustrate the ability to change direction in life at any point. It encourages listeners to stop, re-evaluate, and redirect their path when feeling lost or dissatisfied, emphasizing the possibility of pivoting at any age.This segment reveals the secret to making a significant life change: paying attention to what "sucks" in your life. It explains that negative emotions like jealousy, frustration, and anger serve as directional signals, indicating a need for a change in direction or pace. Mel Robbins' video stresses action over motivation, using a "let them" approach to relinquish control and focus on self. The podcast discusses goal setting, self-assessment, ADHD diagnosis in women, its links to trauma and anxiety, and the under-researched impact of menopause. This segment explains the neurological basis for difficulty in changing behavior, highlighting our tendency to repeat patterns and the constant negative self-talk that hinders progress. It describes the internal "C voice" that undermines self-belief and actions.This segment introduces the "Let Them" theory, a strategy for taking control of one's life by relinquishing the need to control others. It explains how controlling behavior stems from insecurity and anxiety and how letting go can be transformative. This segment argues that most people aren't lacking signals for change but rather the courage to act on them. It posits that we're born with an inner compass guiding us toward what's uniquely aligned with our purpose, but fear often prevents us from following it.This segment teaches how to distinguish between the natural fear of change and the intuition that a decision is right. It explains that right decisions, even if scary, create a sense of expansion and possibility, while wrong decisions lead to feelings of shrinking and depletion. This segment provides a practical tool for decision-making: checking in with your feelings. It suggests that before making a significant change, you should assess whether the decision feels expansive or constricting, using the example of choosing between going to a bar and prioritizing personal growth.This segment explores the idea that change often happens when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of changing. It discusses how hitting rock bottom or facing high stakes can be a catalyst for change, emphasizing that people change when they're ready. This segment acknowledges the difficulty of change and emphasizes the crucial role of hope in overcoming obstacles. It highlights that when stuck in negative patterns, hope is often missing, and a breakthrough moment or external inspiration can reignite the desire for change. This segment expresses the sadness of seeing people remain stuck in negative patterns, often defined by past trauma. It emphasizes the importance of awareness as a prerequisite for change and the potential for greater joy and presence in life. This segment further emphasizes the importance of hope in initiating change. It suggests that either a significant amount of pain or a spark of hope is necessary to motivate someone to try something different. It uses examples of sobriety, therapy, and financial recovery.This segment discusses how to distinguish between those who are genuinely ready for change and those who aren't. It highlights that true commitment involves gratitude, seeking specific advice, and a willingness to engage in the tedious, unglamorous process of incremental change. This segment discusses the impact of our self-narrative on our behavior and actions. It introduces the concept of an inner critic, constantly providing negative self-talk, and suggests examining this inner voice to understand its influence. This segment emphasizes the crucial role of making a conscious decision to change how one feels, thinks, and achieves results. It highlights that wanting something better for oneself is the starting point, followed by acting like the person who already possesses the desired attributes, even if those feelings aren't present yet. The speaker uses their personal experience with menopause as an example to illustrate this point. This segment connects the concept of "letting them" with the idea of staying in your peace and power. It emphasizes that getting agitated by others' actions stems from our own insecurities and anxieties. The speaker shares the worst advice they ever received—that someone else can make you happy—and links it to the importance of taking responsibility for your own happiness and well-being. Exceptions are noted for dangerous or harmful situations.This segment builds upon the previous one, explaining how focusing your energy on yourself rather than trying to control others allows you to take responsibility for your own life and actions. It emphasizes that this approach, while seemingly selfish, is actually a generous act that respects others' autonomy and allows them to own their experiences and consequences. The speaker clarifies that this doesn't mean ignoring dangerous or harmful situations. This segment explains how taking on others' problems creates unnecessary stress and suffering due to unmet expectations. It uses the example of a parent's expectations for their child's evening routine, highlighting how releasing these expectations leads to personal liberation from stress and the need for control. The speaker emphasizes that this isn't about apathy, but about acknowledging your own emotional response and choosing not to be controlled by others' actions. This segment contrasts motivation with consistent action. The speaker argues that motivation is unreliable and fleeting, while consistent action, even without feeling motivated, leads to a change in self-perception. The speaker's personal journey of addressing their menopausal symptoms through consistent actions, despite initial discouragement, is used to support this claim. The segment also introduces the idea that observing one's actions can positively influence self-perception.This segment delves into the biological chain of events that leads to action, starting with sensation and progressing through perception, feeling, thought, and finally, action. The speaker uses the example of getting out of bed to illustrate how sensations and feelings often precede and dictate actions, highlighting the importance of understanding this chain to break negative behavioral patterns.This segment explains how understanding the biological chain of events (sensation, perception, feeling, thought, action) allows for reversing the process to gain control. The speaker argues that by focusing on actions first, one can change their self-perception and overcome feelings of being out of control, particularly in the context of trauma or anxiety. Two approaches are presented: therapy and a behavior-first approach.This segment details the "behavior-first" approach, emphasizing that behavioral decisions are driven by bodily sensations rather than conscious thought. The speaker argues that understanding this allows individuals to counteract negative feelings and take desired actions, even if they don't feel like it. The speaker uses examples of common self-sabotaging behaviors to illustrate this point.This segment focuses on the importance of accepting that one may never *like* the actions necessary for self-improvement, but can still perform them consistently. The speaker shares personal examples of disliked yet necessary tasks (exercising, eating healthy) and emphasizes the ongoing process of aligning actions with desired self-image, despite momentary feelings.This segment explores the difference between being "driven" and "dragged" by external factors. The speaker suggests that many people are driven by a desire for validation and positive attention, often stemming from past experiences. The speaker shares their personal journey, initially feeling "dragged" by past trauma, and how they transitioned to feeling "driven" by taking control of their actions and intentions.This segment discusses the importance of calming the nervous system to gain control over reactions and behaviors. The speaker shares their personal experience using various therapeutic approaches (talk therapy, MDMA therapy, EMDR, behavioral activation therapy) to achieve this. The segment emphasizes the connection between nervous system regulation and the ability to act consistently with one's goals.This segment introduces the "Let Them" theory, a behavioral technique that focuses on releasing the need to control others. The speaker explains how this simple approach can significantly reduce stress and improve overall well-being by focusing energy on oneself rather than on controlling external factors. A personal anecdote about a son's prom illustrates the effectiveness of this theory.This segment provides a detailed account of how the speaker applied the "Let Them" theory in a real-life situation (their son's prom). The anecdote illustrates how letting go of control over external factors (the son's prom plans, the waiter's service) reduced stress and allowed for a more peaceful experience. The segment emphasizes the widespread applicability of this theory to various situations. This segment delves into the paradoxical nature of "letting them," arguing that it's both a self-preserving and selfless act. By not getting entangled in others' emotional reactions, you protect your own energy and well-being while simultaneously allowing others the space to experience their emotions and take responsibility for their actions. The speaker suggests that this approach fosters self-awareness and reveals the things in your life that truly bother you.This segment focuses on applying the "let them" approach to individuals with toxic tendencies or narcissistic traits. It explains how allowing these individuals to have their tantrums without getting triggered empowers you to maintain your emotional equilibrium and set healthy boundaries. The speaker emphasizes that this strategy is not about condoning their behavior but about protecting yourself from their negativity. This segment discusses the importance of self-assessment before setting goals. It introduces a simple exercise to evaluate different aspects of your life (relationships, health, finances, etc.) on a scale, identifying areas for improvement. The speaker then shifts to the topic of dreams, suggesting that identifying who you're jealous of can reveal hidden desires and aspirations. It emphasizes the importance of understanding your starting point before setting goals.This segment continues the discussion on dreams and goals, clarifying that dreams serve as directional signals, pointing you towards a desired future. It emphasizes that having a dream doesn't guarantee its realization, but the act of dreaming itself motivates you to move in a specific direction. The speaker differentiates between goals (short-term steps) and dreams (long-term aspirations).This segment uses a listener's comment about overcoming fear and sharing a past trauma as a powerful example of the "let them" approach. The speaker emphasizes that taking responsibility for your truth and setting boundaries empowers you to live differently, regardless of others' reactions. The listener's story highlights the transformative power of overcoming fear and speaking your truth. The speaker recounts the delayed discovery of her son's dyslexia and dysgraphia, highlighting how his verbal skills masked his reading and writing difficulties until the fourth grade. This segment emphasizes the importance of comprehensive assessments and early intervention for learning disabilities.Following her son's diagnosis, the speaker shares her own journey of receiving an ADHD diagnosis, revealing a shared family profile of ADHD, dyslexia, and dysgraphia. This segment underscores the often-overlooked prevalence of ADHD in women and the importance of recognizing diverse symptom presentations.The speaker discusses the "lost generation" of women with undiagnosed ADHD, explaining how research focused primarily on boys in the past led to misdiagnosis and undertreatment of ADHD in girls. This segment highlights the significant impact of undiagnosed ADHD on women's lives, particularly the development of anxiety. The speaker elaborates on the consequences of undiagnosed ADHD in women, connecting it to the high rates of anxiety and the common misattribution of symptoms. This segment emphasizes the importance of early diagnosis and appropriate treatment for ADHD in girls and women.Using the analogy of an orchestra conductor, the speaker explains the neurological mechanisms behind ADHD and the challenges individuals face in focusing. This segment provides a clear and insightful explanation of the brain processes involved in attention and focus.The speaker explores the potential link between childhood trauma and ADHD, citing Gabor Maté's work on the subject. This segment offers a nuanced perspective on the possible origins of ADHD, suggesting a connection to survival mechanisms developed in response to stressful environments.The speaker reflects on the transformative impact of her ADHD diagnosis, emphasizing the importance of understanding the differences in symptom presentation between boys and girls and the connection to anxiety. This segment highlights the personal and emotional journey of self-discovery and acceptance.The speaker discusses the challenges of menopause, highlighting the lack of comprehensive research and the conflicting advice available to women. This segment underscores the need for more research and better understanding of women's hormonal health.The speaker expresses frustration with the lack of research and understanding surrounding menopause, particularly the exclusion of women from early medical research. This segment emphasizes the need for more scientific rigor and attention to women's health issues.The speaker discusses the complexities of menopause and hormonal health, highlighting the individual variations in symptoms and the potential risks associated with hormone replacement therapy. This segment emphasizes the importance of personalized approaches to managing menopause.The speaker reflects on her goals and motivations, emphasizing the importance of enjoying life's achievements and maintaining strong relationships with family. This segment offers a personal and reflective perspective on the speaker's life and priorities.The speaker shares her perspective on overcoming challenges, highlighting the daily struggle to overcome resistance and the long-term process of rewiring her nervous system. This segment offers a powerful message of resilience and personal growth.This segment details the speaker's personal journey of transforming ingrained behavioral patterns stemming from trauma, fear, and anxiety. The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, recognizing negative patterns, and actively choosing a more peaceful and action-oriented approach to life, shifting from a reactive to a proactive mindset.The speaker discusses the unique talent and responsibility that comes with their ability to connect with and impact others through vulnerability, authenticity, and insightful communication. This segment highlights the speaker's self-awareness of their influence and the profound impact they have on their audience, emphasizing the importance of their work in helping others feel seen and understood.This segment reveals the speaker's core motivation for sharing personal stories and challenges, even seemingly mundane ones like menopause symptoms. The speaker explains that their driving force is to help others feel less alone in their struggles, emphasizing the universality of human experience and the power of shared vulnerability in fostering connection and hope.